Toddler Tantrums - When to Say "NO"

Last night, when I got home from work, I was too exhausted so the last thing that I wanted was for the kids to start having arguments. At first, they were doing ok - Yana showing me her "Star" stamped on her hands because she did well in school while Gaby was showing the Ice Tea moves, imitating the dance in the new commercial of Ice Tea. Of course, I was happy seeing them that way. But then after a while, guess what happened.

Perhaps, you already know. The usual sibling rivalry started, and it's because of Gab's tantrums. That's right! Often times, when the two fight, it's because Gab has her toddler tantrums again. She wants everything by herself, toys, books, cellphone, PSP, mommy's wallet, ballpen, even the attention of her Daddy when Yana tries to move the laptop towards her. And when she doesn't get them, she'll start crying, and worse, screaming.

Being a full-time working mom at that, sometimes Gab's tantrums really get into my nerves. And so the least that I do is to tell her Ate Yana to just give in to what Baby Gaby wanted. I know, it's wrong, and Yana will eventually realize that what I do is also wrong, because when she has tantrums herself, I never give in to her and I say no.

Oh, I just don't know what to do with Gaby. I want to say "NO" to her when she wants everything for herself beyond reason, but I just can't with all the stress that I already take from work at the office and outside. If only it's so easy to follow what this article says:

When to say “No”

Although tantrums are a normal fact of toddler life, they can be minimised by setting sensible limits – for yourself as well as your child.
Say “No” to frustration beyond your toddler’s tolerance limits

Challenges are necessary for children to develop, but try to step in before a challenge becomes a frustration by offering help. Guide gently, but don’t take over. For instance, gently turn the puzzle piece so he can put it in by himself. When you sense your tot is reaching the brink, create a diversion towards a calming, soothing activity – a different place, a toy, a hug, a story, a song or perhaps a snack.

Say “No” to overwhelming situations

Look for common tantrum triggers. Do they seem to happen mostly when your tot is tired? hungry? rushed? Are there situations he finds difficult to handle such as playgroup or shopping? Keeping a tantrum diary might help you understand triggers.

Try to think ahead and limit overwhelming situations. For instance, plan short shopping trips when he isn’t tired, take nutritious snacks whenever you go out and don’t wait for difficult behaviour before you offer food.

Say “No” to junk food

Some foods can adversely affect children’s behaviour. Sweets can trigger blood sugar variations, caffeine in ‘coke’ drinks can hype kids up for hours – so they are literally unable to sit still, let alone fall asleep, and additive or chemicals – even in foods that are normally considered healthy can affect some sensitive tots. Again a tantrum diary might shed light on tantrum triggers.
Say “No” to misunderstandings

Try to tune in and listen carefully to what your little one is trying to tell you. Encourage toddlers to express frustration or anger verbally. If their language skills are limited, help out. Say “you look angry that your block tower crashed.” Or, “I get angry too, when I can’t have what I want.”

Say “No” to too many rules

Don’t sweat the small things. Rules like seatbelts and holding hands near roads are not negotiable, but a balance between health and safety and a happy day can benefit family relationships (and sanity), so childproof your home and keep rules for really important things.

Say “No” to too many choices

Opportunities to make decisions help a toddler feel in control but too many choices can confuse and overwhelm him. Instead of open-ended choices – “what do you want to wear?” ask “would you like to wear your blue shirt or the red one?”

Say “No” and mean it

It’s far better to say “yes” initially than to change your mind after your child has exploded. (Remember “maybe” means yes to a child). Rewarding genuinely uncontrollable tantrums can encourage tots to use (semi)deliberate tantrums to get what they want.

Say “No” to embarrassment

It can be difficult to consider your child’s feelings when he performs a tantrum in public but whatever you do, don’t yell back, don’t smack and don’t resort to giving in because you feel embarrassed. And please, don’t walk away from an out of control tot in places like shopping centres. It is scary enough to be out of control without also feeling abandoned. The best thing you can do here is scoop up your child and leave.

Say “Yes” to comfort

Because you know your child best, you’ll know whether he’s better letting off steam by himself (with you nearby) or whether he needs to be held quietly. If you find walking away works for your child, return when he settles, hug him and say “I’m still here and I love you.” Giving reassurance is not giving in. Just as adults need comfort when they feel upset or overwhelmed, toddlers need to know they are loved, even when their behaviour isn’t lovable.

Source: www.bellybelly.com.au