Restless

Finally, the day has arrived. Thus, I'm feeling more and more restless. I haven't got a good night sleep for two nights now, and I don't know until when this restlessness would last. Perhaps tonight, when I see him face to face at the airport. What could have changed in him, I wonder?

I'm restless yes, but I'm excited at the same time. Scared? Not anymore. I already promised myself that I'll make the most out of the time that he's here with us. No more fights, no more arguments, and no more looking back at the past, HOPEFULLY.

Am I ready to see him? To talk to him in person? To feel his embrace and love? To accept him and love him back unconditionally?

YES, I AM! And I am more than ready. To be his loving wife, partner, and friend. And to prove to those who tried to ruin us that our love is strong and that our relationship now is more solid.

We are a family! Will always be. But then again, I'm still restless. It'll be 14 hours more. Whew!

Dear Lord

Lord, I'm so weak right now. I'm confused and tired. It's been almost 2 years already but it seems that my struggles are far from over. I thought they were already, but I was wrong. Every time we are starting to make things work and be a complete family, some people come along our way and make all the attempts to ruin me, us.

I'm so tired really of hearing and reading all those hurting words of the past, yes the reality of the past. The past when I was left alone struggling to survive every hardship and trial. I need rest, dear Lord. I want to rest from all these, I'm so tired.

I just want a complete family, that's all I'm asking. I made a lot of mistakes in the past, I know. But I guess I deserve to be happy, still. Yes, I want to be happy, with my daughters, with my husband, with you Lord at the center of our lives. But then again I ask, why do some people keep us from being together, from being happy? Perhaps, it's another part of your test as to how far we will go.

So, now, I'm entrusting everything to you, dear Lord. I'm tired of taking control of everything, I allow you to lead my life. Lead me oh Lord, lead me,

Best Credit Card Deals Online

With my expenses soaring the past days due to my preparations for Papa Ghie's arrival and for the baby in between's 1st birthday party, all the more that I need extra cash or perhaps another credit card to accommodate the other expenses that I'll have to make in the coming days. But I’m a little hesitant to apply for a new credit card because I don’t want to go through that stressful process again. If only there’s an easier way, then why not? So, I did a little research a while ago and found this great site which offers easy credit card application.

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Virtual Wife

Yes, that's what I am! A wife who happens to be there for her husband 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but only through the Internet. Without the net, I would be a mere acquaintance whom he once met and had a child with.

Ten days. Yes, only ten days. I got to spend with him in real life for only ten days. How would I feel then if those he courted or even became his girlfriend got to spend more time with him in person than I am, his so-called wife? Call me jealous, call me a nagger, call me whatever you want, I just want to write what I feel right now. And yes, I feel so bad.

Why do I feel bad then? Not because I hate him. Not because I didn't like the idea that the girl he used to court was there with him even as a friend. Not because he didn't allow me to spend the night with my bestfriend while he is out with his. And not because I'm here left just listening to their conversation and looking at them from time to time in webcam.

I feel bad because reality is sinking on me, the reality that he is there, and I am here, and that it will remain to be that way for the next three years. I feel bad because even if I wanted to spend more time with him in person and let him feel that I'm beyond a virtual wife, I will not be able to do so. And I feel bad because it seems that I've never done anything right in this long distance relationship.

God knows how much I love him, how much I wanted to share my dreams with him, and spend the rest of my life with him. But with very little memories that we both have of each other, I'm scared of what'll gonna happen next.

I just want to spend more time with him in person. I don't dream of a mansion, a fancy car, jewelries, and more money. All I dreamt of is a family - a happy family. A family that is together, a family that is beyond the Internet, beyond this blog.

Debt Consolidation: Reclaim Your Financial Freedom

Almost everyday, I hear people saying that they need money to pay this and that, or that they need to buy this or that. I would admit, sometimes I'm also like that. There are times that I feel as if I'm too overwhelmed with so many bills and other financial obligations.

But I guess, my situation isn't as bad as the others who are really so deep in debt, to the extent that their liabilities even exceed their income. Too bad for them really, but they can always do something about it and reclaim financial freedom. The solution - debt consolidation.

Debt consolidation is about taking out one big loan in order to pay off the other smaller loans. This is usually done by many to get either a lower interest rate or a fixed interest rate; while others choose this because they find it convenient than paying off many loans.

Now, you might ask these questions: 1.) How do I know if it is the right debt solution for me? 2. How do I start with the process? 3.) Are there slippery sides in choosing this debt plan? 4.) What is this so-called non profit debt consolidation?

To find the answers to all these questions, you need to seek debt advice from a professional debt consolidator. He or she will help you determine which debt plan is the right one for you. Plus, you get to understand a lot of things before you go through the process. Although getting you debt-free will never happen overnight, you will be glad that you consulted one. So, you better take action now to get out of debt sooner and finally reclaim your financial freedom.

Who says you can’t clear your debt without going through a lot of pitfalls? With a sound debt consolidation advice from a certified credit counselor, you’re off to a debt-free you!

Two Weeks More to Go

Yes, two weeks more to go and we're off to the airport to meet Papa Ghie! I'm getting more and more excited, and scared at the same time. I do hope that everything will turn out okay when he comes home. A lot of problems have been coming our way lately, and really this will be the best time for us to talk, and to patch things up between us. I love him so much, and I want us to be a complete family. But everything is up to us. If we keep holding on and believe in each other, no one will ever ruin the relationship that we have. Hopefully...

Panama Hotel Casco Antiguo: Perfect for Second Home

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While You Were Sleeping

While you were sleeping, Anak, I couldn't help but remember how we started our journey together. It'll just be a few weeks more before you celebrate your 1st birthday, and really I couldn't explain the excitement and happiness that I feel, thinking that we've been through a lot of difficult times before and after you were born. Mommy is strong, but becomes even stronger as long as you're here with me.

You look so beautiful, Anak, even while you're asleep. And I couldn't take my eyes off you really. A year ago, this very same day, I was anxiously waiting for your arrival. But it wasn't time yet. And all those times, it was just you and me. Yes, only you and me. I even wonder how I survived all those days. Maybe because, you were giving me the strength to move on, and God continued to guide me and bless me in spite of those trials.

Now, Mommy is going through a very difficult time again. A difficult time of assessing myself, knowing what's the best thing to do, and learning to forgive and forget. You witnessed all my sufferings, Anak. And maybe if you were a little bit older, you will understand why Mommy has to ask space and time from your father.

While you were sleeping, I told you that I love your Papa so much, even gave too much so now, I ended up losing myself. I don't recognize the same Mommy Phoebe anymore. And after finding out about that "yet-another-big-lie", I couldn't help but ask myself, WHY? I'ven been having a hard time regaining that trust during the past months, and now another lie ruined that little trust I have.

I don't know if I will still be able to forgive, much more to forget. So many lies already. I just ask God to continue giving me strength. And I entrust everything to him. Only Him knows whether we will be a complete family in the end.