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Friday, February 22, 2008

Regaining Trust

Trust is one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. Without it, any relationship will not last. I do agree with this, that is why until now I'm on the process of knowing whether it's right to accept Gaby's dad back or not. I'm having a hard time regaining my trust on him, even on the relationship as a whole. Although he's trying to be more open now, and already gave me all his passwords to his email, messenger, etc., there are still some things that cause me to distrust him like what he has done recently. I don't want to share the story here anymore because for some people, I'm sure they won't understand why I reacted that way. All I know is that instead of helping me to regain trust, all the more he caused me to have second thoughts of accepting him back.

Before, I was too confrontational. Maybe if I'm still like that, my first instinct the moment I saw his email would be to confront him about his action and start blaming him for hurting my feelings. But I told myself, "why waste your time and energy Bhem confronting him about that issue, then later on, he'll just use that against you? Why not focus on more important things than minding what he's doing or hiding?" Anyhow, even if I confront him or ask him about it now, I don't think it will make any difference. So, I decided to let it pass for now, and find the right timing to bring this up so he'll know what I feel towards his actions.

Regaining trust is really a very difficult process. My friends even say, "as long as your hurting Bhem and the wounds that he caused you in the past are not yet healed, you won't be able to trust him completely." I do agree with them because I would admit, until now, the horrible things that he has done to me are still fresh in my memory. And every time I remember them, anger enslaves me, to the extend that I want to dismiss the idea of accepting him back and give my baby a complete family. But I know, I should not let anger take over me, so I'm trying to be as open-minded as possible.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

In Limbo

I'm getting out of focus, I can't think right at all! It feels like I'm in limbo. I made plans early this year, concerning only me and my Baby Gab. But when her dad entered the scene again a month ago, it seems that things are becoming more difficult instead of becoming smoother and easier. I thought, with him in the picture, things will get better. But I don't know why things are happening the other way around. Now, I'm in a daze, and I feel so alone.

Again, I ask myself, "why is it that when I needed him the most, that's when I can't rely on him?" You see, the plans I made are not just for me, but also for our baby. And when he comes home, it will be for him as well. But as of now, it's very apparent that I'm carrying the burden alone. Why? Because even if he wants to take part in materializing those plans, how can he if he entrusted to other people the supposedly resources that we can use.

I don't want to keep on blaming him for his wrong decisions, but I can't help it really. Things would have been easier for me, for us, if he has trusted me more. This is actually the one thing that makes me feel so bad right now. I felt so useless, so incapable of helping him because he trusted other people more, than his supposedly wife and mother of his baby.

I keep asking myself, "am I really that useless? am I really that incapable? I'm his wife, his partner, and the mother of his baby, but why give his trust to others? Me and Baby Gab are his family, but why does he have to make things so difficult for us, yet easier for others."

I'm so mad, I can't even explain the anger that I'm feeling right now. Why does he always have to make me feel so alone when I needed him the most? Why?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

Okay, so it's Valentine's Day once again. Love is in the air blah-blah. (sound bitter, huh!) Couples are excited for their dates. And I can see girls with roses, plus with beaming smiles on their faces. Oh and let's not forget the chocolates. Sweet, huh!

But what about me? Date? Roses? Chocolates? Oh come on, nothing exciting for me because I'm loveless! Yeah, poor me. Nobody cares, huhuhu!!!But well, at least I have my little girl. (yeah ryt, but still you're dateless Phoebe) Huh? Who said that?

Okay, okay...I'm dateless, I didn't receive roses or chocolates today, in short I'm loveless. But hey, this was my choice, to be loveless, to be not in a commitment. I would admit, I miss being in a relationship, especially during Valentine's day. Everyone seems to be "kilig" with this "love is in the air" feeling, except me. Well, this is definitely not my "lovey-dovey" year.

Today is just like those typical days. Work and then go home after to play with my baby. Well, I was able to chat with Gaby's father yesterday, but nothing romantic. You see, I consider him more of my bestfriend now than a partner or a lover. So, Valentine's day is, I guess, not so special for us this year. I just dont know next year...who knows?

Okay, so perhaps I was exaggerating when I said that nobody loves me. Gaby's dad and I, well, we're in a sort of "courtship stage"...Hahaha..Funny, right? We already have this baby in between, yet it's funny that he's on that stage where he's trying to win my love back. Well, it's a long story. But, I'm glad, really glad that he's trying to fix his life now (according to him) and prove his love for me and Baby Gaby.

He's in Korea right now, so no roses and chocolates for me today. He said he'll make up when he comes home around February next year. For now, he just gives me this Valentine's day comment (check it in my friendster profile) Well, not bad. Anyway, it's the thought that counts. myspace graphic comments
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My Baby's 3rd Month Birthday

Hey, did I ever mention before that Baby Gaby has a "monthly birthday" celebration? Guess not. But anyway, just for everyone to know, our baby in between has turned 3 months old last February 4. I was not here though to celebrate it with her. (too bad :( huhuhu) But boi I'm glad to see the photos taken by her nanny when she turned 3 months. Here, let me share to you some of her pictures:

Wow, look at her smile! How about this one?

Oh, my baby's so adorable! Her eyes, her lips, her smile, oh she's really a cutie. Isn't it so obvious that I'm such a proud mom?..LOLZ..

I am really happy that my baby is getting prettier and healthier. I never imagined that she would be a jolly baby because when I was conceiving her, I was under so much stress and even experienced prenatal depression. Really, I thank God so much for this wonderful blessing.

"Belated Happy 3rd month b-day Gab! Mommy loves you so much! Mwuah!"

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Can't Wait to Go Home...

All I can think of now is home. I want to see my baby and be just beside her. I'm thinking, is she feeling okay? Does she cry at night when she feels that I am not beside her? Does she miss Mommy as well?

I don't have a picture of her with me here. So, I just settled on the pictures that I posted in my other blogs. But at night, when I'm alone at the "hotel", I can do nothing but imagine her cute face and her adorable smile since I don't have a laptop with me yet.

Want to see some of her pictures? Let me show you some...

(her dimples are as cute as mine)

(such an innocent one)

I really miss you so much Gab. Mommy misses you so much! I can't wait to go home...:(

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Baby in Between is Now on Entrecard!

As I've mentioned in the blog's intro, I want this family blog to inspire people in so many ways. But how can it be an inspiration if very few readers are aware that this blog even exists. So, to give it the exposure that it needs, I signed it up to, an easy way to connect with other bloggers.

Entrecard is an effective means to introduce this blog to other bloggers around the world. Since it is a family blog, I am sure a lot of blogging moms and dads out there would be interested to know what my blog can share about parenting, baby, home, and family as a whole.

So, for those who will find this blog through Entrecard, allow me to welcome you in our home here on the web. I may have only a couple of posts at the moment, but I do assure you that I will continuously post updates for you to read.


Missing My Baby

It's just our 2nd day here in Pasig, yet I feel as if we've been here for weeks already. Yeah, I'm beginning to miss my baby so much. Last night, I called her grandma to ask how she is. She said that baby is okay and that she's not crying too much.

I really miss my Baby Gab so much. Today, it's her 3rd month birthday. Time really flies so fast, and before I knew it, she would be celebrating her 1st birthday already. How I wish I could spend more time with her. But since I'm a working mom, I think that would be impossible. All I can do now is to spend quality time with her when I am not at work.

Whew, it will be 6 days more before I can be with my little girl again. It's really lonely being away from her, especially when it's time for me to sleep. But well, there's nothing I can do for now. I just have to keep myself busy instead so I won't worry too much about her.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

I'll Miss You, Baby!

I'm going to miss my little girl tomorrow. Actually, I had a hard time packing my things a while ago. If only I could have a choice not to go, I'd choose not to.

This will be the first time that I'll be away from my baby. And what's worse, she'll be turning 3 months old this Monday, Feb 4th, and I won't be here to celebrate it with her. Too bad.

For one week, it will sure be restless nights for me, without Gaby at my side when I sleep. I just hope she won't cry too much if she sensed that Mommy Bhem is not around.

( me and my Baby Gaby )

Friday, February 1, 2008

Just for the sake of posting

I had a tiring day at work today. Time flew so fast, I hardly noticed that it was 5pm already. I had a dinner date tonight. Not with a new guy of course. But with my bestfriend. We ate dinner at Small Talk Cafe, and had a conversation about the recent happenings in our lives. We went home at around 8pm. And so, that's it. I'm making this post just for the sake of posting. Nothing new, no exciting news about him and me. But about the baby in between, well she's getting prettier by the minute. Now let me shut this pc down so I can play with my little girl. 'Til tomorrow!