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Friday, February 22, 2008

Regaining Trust

Trust is one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. Without it, any relationship will not last. I do agree with this, that is why until now I'm on the process of knowing whether it's right to accept Gaby's dad back or not. I'm having a hard time regaining my trust on him, even on the relationship as a whole. Although he's trying to be more open now, and already gave me all his passwords to his email, messenger, etc., there are still some things that cause me to distrust him like what he has done recently. I don't want to share the story here anymore because for some people, I'm sure they won't understand why I reacted that way. All I know is that instead of helping me to regain trust, all the more he caused me to have second thoughts of accepting him back.

Before, I was too confrontational. Maybe if I'm still like that, my first instinct the moment I saw his email would be to confront him about his action and start blaming him for hurting my feelings. But I told myself, "why waste your time and energy Bhem confronting him about that issue, then later on, he'll just use that against you? Why not focus on more important things than minding what he's doing or hiding?" Anyhow, even if I confront him or ask him about it now, I don't think it will make any difference. So, I decided to let it pass for now, and find the right timing to bring this up so he'll know what I feel towards his actions.

Regaining trust is really a very difficult process. My friends even say, "as long as your hurting Bhem and the wounds that he caused you in the past are not yet healed, you won't be able to trust him completely." I do agree with them because I would admit, until now, the horrible things that he has done to me are still fresh in my memory. And every time I remember them, anger enslaves me, to the extend that I want to dismiss the idea of accepting him back and give my baby a complete family. But I know, I should not let anger take over me, so I'm trying to be as open-minded as possible.