Virtual Wife

Yes, that's what I am! A wife who happens to be there for her husband 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but only through the Internet. Without the net, I would be a mere acquaintance whom he once met and had a child with.

Ten days. Yes, only ten days. I got to spend with him in real life for only ten days. How would I feel then if those he courted or even became his girlfriend got to spend more time with him in person than I am, his so-called wife? Call me jealous, call me a nagger, call me whatever you want, I just want to write what I feel right now. And yes, I feel so bad.

Why do I feel bad then? Not because I hate him. Not because I didn't like the idea that the girl he used to court was there with him even as a friend. Not because he didn't allow me to spend the night with my bestfriend while he is out with his. And not because I'm here left just listening to their conversation and looking at them from time to time in webcam.

I feel bad because reality is sinking on me, the reality that he is there, and I am here, and that it will remain to be that way for the next three years. I feel bad because even if I wanted to spend more time with him in person and let him feel that I'm beyond a virtual wife, I will not be able to do so. And I feel bad because it seems that I've never done anything right in this long distance relationship.

God knows how much I love him, how much I wanted to share my dreams with him, and spend the rest of my life with him. But with very little memories that we both have of each other, I'm scared of what'll gonna happen next.

I just want to spend more time with him in person. I don't dream of a mansion, a fancy car, jewelries, and more money. All I dreamt of is a family - a happy family. A family that is together, a family that is beyond the Internet, beyond this blog.