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Sunday, October 19, 2008

While You Were Sleeping


While you were sleeping, Anak, I couldn't help but remember how we started our journey together. It'll just be a few weeks more before you celebrate your 1st birthday, and really I couldn't explain the excitement and happiness that I feel, thinking that we've been through a lot of difficult times before and after you were born. Mommy is strong, but becomes even stronger as long as you're here with me.

You look so beautiful, Anak, even while you're asleep. And I couldn't take my eyes off you really. A year ago, this very same day, I was anxiously waiting for your arrival. But it wasn't time yet. And all those times, it was just you and me. Yes, only you and me. I even wonder how I survived all those days. Maybe because, you were giving me the strength to move on, and God continued to guide me and bless me in spite of those trials.

Now, Mommy is going through a very difficult time again. A difficult time of assessing myself, knowing what's the best thing to do, and learning to forgive and forget. You witnessed all my sufferings, Anak. And maybe if you were a little bit older, you will understand why Mommy has to ask space and time from your father.

While you were sleeping, I told you that I love your Papa so much, even gave too much so now, I ended up losing myself. I don't recognize the same Mommy Phoebe anymore. And after finding out about that "yet-another-big-lie", I couldn't help but ask myself, WHY? I'ven been having a hard time regaining that trust during the past months, and now another lie ruined that little trust I have.

I don't know if I will still be able to forgive, much more to forget. So many lies already. I just ask God to continue giving me strength. And I entrust everything to him. Only Him knows whether we will be a complete family in the end.


3 comments:

jHeLea said...

hello sis...yup you're a strong woman....as I always tell you hold on....baby Gab is so adorable....she's such a blessing....whatever it is you're going through right now just trust God....He will always be there to turn even the biggest lie into a blessing....Like you I've been through a lot sis....I've been betrayed....but looking back, I have no regrets....life went on and it has become so meaningful.....and as long as God is there evrything will be perfect....

jHeLea said...

hello sis...yup you're a strong woman....as I always tell you hold on....baby Gab is so adorable....she's such a blessing....whatever it is you're going through right now just trust God....He will always be there to turn even the biggest lie into a blessing....Like you I've been through a lot sis....I've been betrayed....but looking back, I have no regrets....life went on and it has become so meaningful.....and as long as God is there evrything will be perfect....

peachy said...

There are complete families which are not happy and there are those which you may consider to be broken but really live happier lives than those you may call complete. It all depends though on how you look at them and how you work out a relationship. As I've told you before, time is the best healer. And I'm pretty sure you're healing well. I'm sure with just one look at baby Gab, whatever bad mood or sad thought you may have would just fly away. :) Keep your head up Bem. You're doing great.