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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Sad Reality

Months back, I was eagerly anticipating for January 2009 to come because Papa Ghie is coming home and he said he will be staying for good. I was even too excited about the idea of seeing the two of them (Papa Ghie and Baby Gaby) together for the first time. But all this excitement faded when his decision suddenly changed. Now, this is the sad reality: he plans to go back to Korea and will come home on January just for a 45-day vacation.

45 days? Will I sound so selfish if I find these 45 days too short for us to be together? And from these 45 days, how many days could be alloted for us? 10? 20? 30? Or would time be kind enough to let us spend at least the 40 days out of that 45?

Ever since I met Papa Ghie in 2007, I haven't spent more than 10 days with him. So, I was really excited before when I've learned that he's coming home for good. I was thinking that if we could spend more time together, perhaps we'll have a stronger foundation for a lasting relationship. And that even if he leaves or plans to work abroad again, at least there will be more memories for us to hold on to.

But I guess, life isn't too fair for us yet, much more for Baby Gaby because in the next three years, she will be deprived of spending time with her dad and celebrating her birthdays with him around. Now, this what hurts me more. I could take the idea that Papa Ghie and I need to be apart so he can be a better provider for the family, but the thought that he has to miss all the important milestones in our daughter's life, it really tears my heart into pieces.

I hate to remember those times when I was here alone during my pregnancy, much more when I gave birth to Baby Gaby. At the clinic, I was the only mom who was giving birth without a husband around. That was too painful, especially when I saw the daddy's carrying their small babies when they were discharged from the clinic. While Baby Gaby...:(

Sometimes I would ask, would it be worth it? What I mean here is the fact that he has to be away again so he can earn more money. I was thinking, would the car, own house and lot, business, and cool gadgets be worth all the sacrifices? Can we really be happy and contented as family having all these at the expense of our daughter being deprived of growing up with a dad beside her?

I know, I sound so emotional here and others will think that I'm being so melodramatic. And for sure, some are even thinking that Papa Ghie made the right decision because life now is very difficult and everyone has to be practical. I can't blame you for thinking that way, and I can't blame him for such decision. I just hope in time, life would be a little fair for us.


watzzy said...

just hold on to your faith that your relationship with papa G will last...hold on....keep the faith...:)