I can't explain what I'm feeling right now. I'm not sure if this is anger or mere disappointment. I thought I'd be able to get back on track of budgetting our finances beginning this month. But it seems it's far from real again. Honestly, I don't know how to handle them myself anymore. I just want to cry and cry right now because I feel so helpless. In spite of the added income that I bring in to this family, still everything does not suffice.
In just a few months time, I'll be having yet another baby. Before I was super excited, but now I'm beginning to doubt if I made the right choice of bringing "him" to this world during this very difficult phase of our life. Just thinking about the added expenses that this pregnancy and delivery carry, I can't help but say, "If only I could turn back time..."
I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I would start feeling pity for myself, but I just try to disregard it because I know it won't help. I just keep saying that, in God's time, I'll be able to overcome these all. I don't want to blame anybody why I'm in this deep trouble because in the first place I tolerated it. So, the least that I can do now is to promise myself that next time, I'll learn how to say NO!